Reliving Moments

I'm going to preface this by saying that this blog hasn't had a post in almost two years. So, I am running on the assumption that nobody is going to read what I write next. But if you are reading this...that's okay. I'm choosing to put it on the internet.

When I was 9/10 my grandfather was really sick and lived in my basement. One day I went downstairs to try and find my mom. My basement has two parts to it and they were in the back part where he was living. I can still picture them fighting. They were yelling. I was standing behind the tiny pole in the front part. It's one of those times that you don't feel like you can move from your place. I remember hearing my poppy crying that he wanted to die. He wanted to kill himself. He didn't want his grandchildren to see him that way. He wanted to be with my grandma. My mom was yelling back at him that if he killed himself, she wouldn't bury him next to my grandma. She sounded so mad. But she was crying too. She turned around at that point and I thought she saw me so I ran. I knew I wasn't supposed to have heard that. Another day, I was in the kitchen and my poppy was in the family room eating popcorn. He started choking and coughing. One of the staples in his head popped out. My mom yelled for me to bring paper towels because his head was bleeding. I can still remember squinting so I wouldn't see too much of it while handing her the towels. It was so scary. I thought he was going to die. An ambulance came and took him away. After a while, ambulances became normal. They came a lot before school. He would fall or nobody would be able to get him out of the basement. I found out he was sick the day after my ninth birthday. He had a really bad headache on my birthday and the next day, my mom took him to the hospital. I was having my birthday party in the basement when my mom came and told me that he had a brain tumor. I remember pulling one of my best friends at the time aside and telling her. It was weird. The only other moment that I can picture in my head is the day he passed away. My whole family was sitting in his room at the assisted living place that he was living in. I had made friends with a couple of other kids there and when they stood by the door, I waved them in. Like any other ten year old would. My aunt got really mad and told me to leave the room. That night he was gone. I can only hope that he knows how much I love him.

At this point, I can't actually write anymore because I can't see through my tears.... so yeah.